


Tears On My Shoulder

by Tilltheendwilliwrite



Series: Bucky Barnes One Shots [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Physical Abuse, Smut, Soft Bucky, dark themes, тэг заменён на Don't copy to another site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-17 21:04:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16981776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tilltheendwilliwrite/pseuds/Tilltheendwilliwrite
Summary: @ispeakforthebooks asked: Congrats on your upcoming milestone!! If I could throw my idea in the ring, there’s this song, Unbreakable by Jamie Scott. I just picture a strong protective Bucky finally admitting his feelings resulting in something slow and sweet and hot and emotional between him and the reader... I’d love if you’d give it a listen and consider my request, your work is amazing! 😊





	Tears On My Shoulder

**Author's Note:**

> Please be aware of the warnings. This one got... darker on me than I’m used too.

## A Bucky Barnes One-shot

* * *

She’d come into his life shortly after Bucky returned to the fold. After Steve had convinced him Tony wasn’t going to try and kill him - again. After Stark himself had extended the invitation. No, they weren’t best buddies, but Tony understood it wasn’t Bucky’s fault what had happened to his parents.

So he’d come home, sort of, to upstate New York and moved into the compound. He roomed next door to Steve and across the hall from Mary.

Mary was sweet, kind, and pretty adorable. As a kid, she’d had it rough. Parents who were more interested in where they could get their next fix rather than the kid they hauled around from crack house to crack house. Then, when Mary’s mother had OD’d, she’d been found with the body, her father nowhere in sight, and was turned over to the state. She’d bounced around from foster home to foster home with a whole lot of emotional baggage, had run away numerous times, and finally ended up in juvie where she’d been given the opportunity to straighten the hell up or eventually wind up in prison.

She’d picked option A, turned her life around, and applied to SHIELD fresh out of high school. That had been years ago, and because of her hard work and dedication, she’d found herself living and working with Avengers.

Bucky found her fascinating, even as he frowned at her life choices. She was a little… self-deprecating. Too hard on herself. Too quick to think the worst. When a mission went sideways, she always blamed herself because she was too slow, not enhanced, a weak shot.

Bucky hated it. He hated how hard she was on herself. He hated how she could pick apart every mistake she’d made but couldn’t see all the times she’d save their asses. The shot’s she’d made, the information she’d recovered.

She cracked jokes and made people feel welcome. There wasn’t a day that went by after Bucky moved in Mary hadn’t dropped by with cookies, magazines, books, movies, and all kinds of things to both keep him occupied and help him integrate along with feeling he had a friend beside Steve.

Was it any wonder he was head over heels for her?

She was a ball of energy and positivity when it came to everyone else, but for herself, Mary turned into Debbie Downer. She wasn’t petite, but she wasn’t a six-foot Amazon either. She was average, and perhaps that was part of the problem. She had pretty brown hair, but it wasn’t Wanda’s deep red or Pepper’s strawberry blonde. Mary called it _mousy_ , but it was glossy and soft when she leaned her head on his shoulder during movie nights. Her body was as fit as any Field Agent, but she wasn’t hard. She was soft and curvy in all the right places. She hated the freckles which dotted her nose, but he thought they added character to her face. Her eyes were hazel, but Bucky swore they glowed like amber when she laughed.

He tried to make her laugh often for she sometimes gave a tiny snort when he could make her laugh hard enough. It was adorable, and so was she.

If only she knew it.

If only he could find the courage to tell her.

He’d been all the way, head over heels, gone round the bend, _rationed_ for her since his third week living across the hall. But he’d been cautious, hesitant. She had been so incredibly friendly, yet not once had she indicated she’d be interested in anything more.

Then she met _Donald_.

Donald, an attache to some senator who’d strolled through the place for some tour for some press conference or other, Bucky hadn’t paid attention, only made himself scarce, and Donald had proceeded to sweep Mary off her feet.

They’d done dinners, dates, movies in the city.

Bucky hated him on principle, finding his slick, suave ways a little too practiced, a little too rehearsed. He didn’t like how Donald looked at Mary when he thought no one was watching. Sam said he was jealous, but was it only jealousy? Or was Bucky seeing something no one else could?

Mary was happy. He should be happy for her, and for a time he was. Then came the day she moved out of the compound. She kept her room, but she rarely stayed there anymore. Donald wanted her in the city, so she remained in the city between missions.

When she returned one day with a black eye, Bucky very nearly lost it, but Mary laughed, brushing it off as Donald telling an exuberant story and _accidentally_ hitting her in the face with his elbow. Everyone else chuckled, accepting her explanation.

Bucky didn’t buy it for a damn minute. He’d trained with her. He knew just how fast Mary could move when she wanted to. She could duck his arm for fuck sake! Donald had hit her and likely taken her by surprise to get it in.

Why then was she covering for him? Before she could climb on the jet, he’d stopped her, taken her chin in his hand, and had a good look at the bruise. No elbow had made that mark.

“My fault for getting in the way,” she murmured, brushing it off a second time.

Her fault. Of course. It was always her fault, wasn’t it?

The next time it had been a split lip. A door, she said. Accident. That time, no one laughed, but no one questioned too deeply either. Then there was the bruise on her shoulder, a giant hand-shaped mark which ran up the side of her neck.

Natasha exploded. She unloaded on Mary, told her to open her eyes, get out, get help, ask for help. Mary was a damn _Avenger_! No man should be laying his hands on her without her permission.

Mary had shut down, closed them all out, and left. She tendered her resignation and walked away, leaving Bucky feeling like someone had pulled his heart out. Before she could get in her car and drive out of his life, he’d stood there, seething but trying not to show it.

He didn’t blame her. It wasn’t her fault. Donald was manipulating her he just knew it. Still, he held the door shut on her vehicle.

“If you ever need me. Day or night. For anything. You can call me. I’m here for you, Mary.”

“Bucky,” she’d whispered, her eyes swimming with tears.

“I’ll miss you, dollface.”

All she could do was nod as she got in her car and drove away, leaving Bucky staring after her.

That was three months ago. No one had heard from Mary since, though Stark made sure to keep tabs on her and Donald. They couldn’t prove abuse. Couldn’t accuse him of it without proof or Mary’s testimony. It was clear that wasn’t happening. But Bucky never gave up hope she’d come back. Come home. Call him.

Then, in the dead of night, his phone ringing woke him from a fitful sleep. “Little Doll” appeared on the screen, and Bucky scrambled to answer. “Mary?” he murmured, throwing back the sheets and blankets to flick on the bedside light.

Shallow, shuddering breaths rippled down the line.

“Mary, baby. I need you to tell me what’s going on,” Bucky stated gently as he fought to get his pants on and pull a shirt over his head. “Talk to me, darlin’,” he coaxed as he went out his doors and walked into Steve’s room.

“Bucky…” she sobbed.

Steve sat straight up, but Bucky held up his hand to keep him from speaking. “I’m here, Mary. Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Can you come get me?” she whispered.

Steve was up and moving, quietly ordering Friday to trace the call. “I’m on my way, sweetheart. Where are you?”

“I… I don’t know!”

She broke down in heavy tears, breaking Bucky’s heart. “That’s okay. We’ll find you. Just stay put. Are you safe, baby? Are you in a safe place?”

“I ran. I ran away.”

He could hear the panic in her voice and started to run. He slammed out Steve’s door, Cap hot on his heels, running for the garage only to have Steve drag him toward a quinjet.

“Faster,” Steve murmured. “She’s in the park.”

“That’s okay, dollface. I’m on my way. You stay where you are and stay on the line with me,” he murmured, keeping his voice soft and reassuring.

“I was so stupid,” she whispered.

“No, baby,” he murmured. “You’re smart and beautiful and brave.”

She choked on a sob. “No, I’m not.”

“You are, Mary. You are.”

Steve had the quinjet up in the air and flying fast. It would take less than ten minutes to get to her.

It was the longest ten minutes of Bucky’s life.

He talked about stupid things the entire time. Sam’s latest nickname for him. How Wanda had accidentally phased the sofa and the coffee table together. He told her about Bruce’s latest experiment and how when it blew up, Steve had been as blue as the Smurfs she’d once shown him.

She snickered at that one just as the jet landed. “Did Sam call him Captain Blueberry?”

Bucky shot down the ramp only to stop and stare at the trees of Central Park. In his rush, he hadn’t noticed the down pouring of rain until he’d walked into it. “I’m on the ground, darlin’. I’m here.”

Steve pointed toward a thick stand of trees to the left and Bucky took off at a dead run.

“Mary!” he shouted.

A quiet whimper had him lurching to a stop.

“Bucky?”

“Mary, baby!” He darted forward only to come to a stumbling stop at the sight of her. Torn from her shoulder her dress was filthy. Her feet were bare, likely scraped but so caked in mud he couldn’t tell. Then she hobbled from the shadows, and all he saw was red.

Her face was a mess, dark bruises forming on her cheek and jaw, her right eye nearly swollen shut. Blood dripped from her nose, it matted her hair and matched what was running down her arm. Her knuckles looked like she’d gone ten rounds with a brick wall.

“Mary,” he whispered, shocked as he stepped forward.

She flinched and pulled away before stopping herself and leaning toward him. “I… I think I may have killed him,” she whimpered and collapsed into Bucky’s arms.

He lifted her up, vowing to finish the job if she hadn’t, and turned toward Steve whose eyes went wide in disbelief. “Oh, god… Mary.”

“Steve. We need an ambulance and the police,” Bucky murmured as Mary started to sob into his neck. “Someone needs to go to their house.”

“Right.” Steve nodded firmly as they headed back toward the jet.

***

Mary hadn’t killed him, but she’d managed to knock Donald’s front teeth in and knock him out. Steve just managed to keep Bucky from finishing the job by reminding him Mary needed him. She sat huddled against his side as the paramedics looked her over on the quinjet.

Broken knuckles, broken cheek and eye socket, broken ribs. Torn ligaments in her feet from running without shoes. Cuts and abrasions from the same. The officers who went with Steve to find Donald also found the bat he’d used to hit her in the face and the knife he’d threatened her with which had opened the wound on her arm.

When the police questioned her, Bucky sat and held her bandaged hand, and listened to the most horrific retelling of physical abuse he’d ever heard. He wanted to scream, rage, cry and kill all within heartbeats, but the shame on Mary’s face kept him right where he was.

“None of this is your fault, Mary,” he murmured to her when she broke down and sobbed.

The older, gruffer looking of the two officers muttered to his partner as he left, “She shouldn’t have stayed as long as she did. Isn’t she supposed to be an Avenger? Why’d she let him get away with it?”

Bucky’s frayed temper finally broke. He launched himself down the ramp, grabbed Officer Loudmouth by the shirt collar and dragged him around. “Did I hear you blame the victim? Maybe people will blame you when my metal fist fucks you straight up the ass!”

“Sergeant Barnes!”

He couldn’t even have pinpointed who was speaking he was so angry. “You think it’s easy to leave? You think people get in these situations and they can opt out whenever? You don’t know jack shit about what happened to her! You don’t know a damn thing about how he twisted his fucked up point of view inside her head until she thought he was right! You ain’t got _no clue_ what it’s like when someone takes your brain apart and makes you think what’s right is wrong and what’s wrong is your fault, so shut the fuck up!”

“Bucky.”

A bandaged hand landed on his arm, and Bucky looked down to find Mary standing there in the pouring rain getting soaked again.

Shame filled him, swift and all-consuming. “Mary… I’m sorry.” He’d been no better than Donald, reacting with violence, and let the cop go.

“I’ll be reporting this to your oversight!”

“And I’ll be reporting your actions and statements to your Captain, Officer!” Steve snapped. “Have some respect!” Nothing quelled an argument like an angry Captain America and had the Officer slinking away. “Get your ass on the jet, Barnes. Mary, sweetheart. You too.”

Bucky reached for her, only for her to flinch. “I would never hurt you, Mary.”

She nodded, but she didn’t look at him even as she placed her hand on his shoulder. “I know, Bucky.”

With the utmost care, Bucky picked her up. The paramedics insisted she needed a hospital, but there were no better facilities than what waited at the Avengers compound. Assured their patient would be well looked after, the EMT’s left the jet, and Bucky set Mary gently down on the medbed.

As soon as the ramp shut, silent tears began to flow down her face.

They didn’t stop the entire trip home.

***

More time passed in which Mary’s physical wounds healed, but the emotional ones continued to bleed. Donald had been arrested and charged, but the entire mess had become fodder for the public. It was hard to believe a woman who was once an Avenger had allowed domestic violence to befall her.

Donald’s story didn’t match Mary’s, and the senator whose aid he was, swore up and down Donald would never be involved in such heinous actions. Of course, actions speak louder than words, and when pictures of other incidents of abuse began surfacing, and one of Donald’s past secretaries came forward with her own stories of harassment and violence, the senator threw Donald under the bus.

Still, even with Donald winding up in jail, Mary continued to decline. Wanda said it was as if she couldn’t forgive herself for not standing up and saying _No_ sooner. As if what people were saying in the media, an abused Avenger made for a poor heroine, had become a poison dart in her heart.

Bucky knew it wasn’t just that. It wasn’t only the abuse; it was everything. Everything in her life which had led her to believe she wasn’t enough, wasn’t good enough, wasn’t strong enough, that she didn’t deserve to be happy. All those things combined to damage her psyche severely.

He knew it. He just didn’t know how to get through to Mary.

But he had to try, so he started small with cookies, and movies, and offers of card games he remembered as a kid. He coaxed her out of her room and into the pool. She needed the exercise and the reconditioning if she wanted back on the team. He made himself small when she was feeling vulnerable, and big when someone else got too far into her space.

He stood as her wall, and sat as her safe place, always there. Always available.

The first time she curled up against him again during movie night was bliss. When she laughed and gave that adorable snort, he could have cried. When she smiled and knocked his feet out from under him in the ring, he could only lay on the mat and grin like an idiot.

Yet, for each small step back into normal, her smile never reached her eyes. She still flinched if one of the others touched her. She startled easily, and most of all… she hadn’t talked about it. Not since that first night.

When her lawyer needed her to tell her story, she’d done so alone.

He could see it leaching out of her like lead, quietly breaking her down. The night she took the entire bottle of whiskey with her and headed to the roof, he knew she was spiralling. He knew it was now or he could lose her altogether.

Silently he followed her and watched her drink directly from the bottle. It hurt his heart to see it.

“Mary,” he murmured and stepped out of the shadows.

“I’m not fit company tonight, Bucky,” she said and took another pull from the bottle.

Long strides had him at her side quickly where he pulled the bottle from her lips, tipped it to his own, and drank the entire thing. “Fuck that burned!” he hissed before chucking the bottle off the roof to land with a smash in the garbage can down below.

“The hell, Buck!” she gasped, staring at him in dismay.

“I’m not gonna let you do this, sweetheart. I’m not going to let you drink the pain away. I’m here. I’m waiting. _Talk to me, dammit_!”

She shoved at him when he crouched down at her knees. “I don’t want to.”

“No, but you need to. You need to talk to someone. Talk to me.”

She shook her head. “You’ll think I’m weak. The others do. I’m weak and stupid. I should have gotten out. Gotten help. Listened to Nat. I could have kicked his ass from here to Sunday, but I didn’t. I took it, all of it, like a coward.”

“Hey,” Bucky said softly. “No one here is going to understand better than me, Mary. No, it isn’t exactly the same, but I do understand what it's like to never know when my next round of pain is coming. To feel helpless, stuck, alone, unable to get out. That I understand all too well.”

She looked at him, really looked at him for the first time in weeks, tears forming in her eyes. “He was so charming at first. Took me out, played it up. He wanted me. Me! I wanted nothing more than to make him as happy as he made me. But then there would be little things. I wore the wrong shoes, the wrong makeup, the wrong hair. I would disappoint him, and he’d sigh when he looked at me, then tell me I’d do better next time. I tried so hard to do better,” she whispered.

“Is that why you moved?” he wondered.

Mary nodded slowly. “He said he hated how we were always so far apart. We’d have more time together if I just moved in. It would be great, and he could help me with all my _little flaws_. Then my work scared him. My friends scared him. He would be devastated if I got hurt. I wasn’t necessary to the team anyway. I brushed him off and…” She motioned to her face.

“He hit you?”

“Yeah, my fault for being glib and smart-mouthed. He cared and was worried, and that was how I treated his concerns? Then it was a mission rather than his fundraiser. Why was my work more important, especially as I wasn’t needed. I was a stand-in, nothing more. I said I was going anyway, and he backhanded me. Just _slap_! I was so surprised, but he had me so…” she gripped her hair, “twisted. He could do anything and make it sound like I deserved it. Like it was my fault. I was too stupid to learn to correct my behaviour on my own so he would do it for me. Then Nat jumped on my case, but she didn’t know. It was my fault. I was rude, ignorant, condescending. Donald loved me. He just wanted what was best for me. No one has ever loved me before.”

Bucky’s heart jerked in his chest then filled with pain at her quiet words. If he’d just done it, told her the truth, could she have seen him as something more? Would Donald never have happened?

He couldn’t help but close his hands around her calves and lean his head against her knee. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, voice hoarse and muffled. “This is all my fault.”

“How?” she frowned. “I’m the one too stupid to leave my abuser.”

“Stop it,” he hissed. “You’re not stupid!”

“Of course I am,” she huffed as if it was a given and he was just too slow to understand.

“No, you’re not, and before you go jumping down my throat, think about this. Would it be stupid if it was Wanda? Or Steve? Or a random woman off the street who we’d rescued?”

She frowned and shook her head. “No, but then they’re-” she cut herself off and looked away.

“They’re what, darlin’?”

“Wanted,” Mary sighed.

“Mary, no,” he whispered. “You’re so wanted, dollface.”

“By who, Bucky? My parents didn’t want me. I was just a brat they were stuck with between fixes. None of my foster homes wanted me. All through school, and then into SHIELD training and again afterward, I was the joke. Alone and forgotten. I can’t get anything right. I’ve never been able to-”

He couldn’t stand it a moment longer and rose up to stop her words with his lips. Her’s parted in surprise, but Bucky didn’t deepen the kiss, just kept it chaste. A gentle brush of lips until her stiffness vanished.

“I’m so sorry, little doll,” he whispered, clinging to her and hoping he wasn’t overwhelming her. “I should have said something, but I was afraid.”

“You’re never afraid,” she said, her eyes very round.

“When you fall in love with your best friend, yeah. It’s a little scary spitting that out.”

She blinked once. “You’re in love with Steve?”

“Okay, second best friend,” he chuckled. “The one I just kissed.”

“Me?” she whispered. “No. That’s not possible.”

“Yeah,” he smiled. “It is. I have been since three weeks after we met, but you never seemed interested, and I didn’t want to ruin a good thing. Just being near you was enough.”

Her eyes were so big they almost made him laugh. “I didn’t think you’d want me,” she murmured. “It never even crossed my mind.”

“You’re so damn amazing, Mary. Incredible in so many ways. I’ve wanted you forever. I thought about you every day. I can’t stop thinking about you, and if you let me? I can show you how incredible I think you are. I can lift you up when you fall. I’ll be here to hold you up.”

When she hesitated, looked skeptical but hopeful, Bucky leaned forward to rest his forehead against her chest. “I know your heart’s bruised, baby. I know he broke all kinds of trust with you, but I won’t. I can’t. I love you too damn much to ever bring you down or hurt you.” He placed a kiss there on her sweatshirt, right over her heart. “I’m not going anywhere, not until you know just how beautiful you are, and even then I’m sticking around.”

“Bucky,” she whispered.

The scent of wet salt filled the air. Bucky lifted his head, his tears falling to mirror hers. She gasped a sob and slipped forward to wrap her arms around his neck.

Together they sat beneath the stars, Bucky holding her gently while she cried out the hurt. His tears remained a silent counterpart, falling to wet her hair.

When her tears finally slowed it could have been hours later or only minutes, he wasn't sure, but when she pushed weakly against his chest, he let her go no matter how badly he wanted to hold on.

For once, her smile reached her eyes when she turned it on him, even if it was short and quickly gone. “I love you too, Bucky.”

His heart swelled with hope.

“But…”

Ice flooded his veins.

“I need time.”

He relaxed again. “I know, dollface. I wasn't expecting you to shake loose what's happened and move on. But I need you to know I’m here. I see you as the amazing, wonderful woman you are, and I'm willing to wait for you. As long as it takes.”

She leaned her head on his chest. “I think… I think I need help, Bucky,” she whispered, fresh tears flooding down her face.

“Then we’ll get you some help, baby doll.” He placed a kiss on her hair. “We’ll get you whatever you need.”

****

She started seeing the team’s psychologist, almost daily in the beginning. Bucky went with her, never into the sessions, but she asked him to sit and wait for her.

He was surprised at first, wondering if she'd forgotten he would be able to hear every word she and the doc said in her session if he sat and waited. But, when she came out after her first hour in which she'd talked about a lot more than just Donald, he knew she'd asked him on purpose.

Mary wanted him to know, to understand just how deeply her self-doubt went. To see the bare bones truth of her issues without having to tell him to his face.

Whether it was a test or not, he never bothered to ask. Bucky only stood and held out his hand. She shuddered, shook all over, but took it when he smiled for her.

He was here. He was in. He wasn't going anywhere.

The team watched over them like hawks. Tony made sure any news which painted Mary in a less than flattering light never made it into the building. Natasha made amends, and they began training together again. Wanda and Vision convinced Mary to learn to cook with them. Sam and Clint made sure she never felt overwhelmed by slowly helping build her tolerance up to casual contact again.

Steve had seen her at her worst, no different than Bucky, and it had hit the Captain hard. At every opportunity, Steve would quietly stand at Mary's side and murmur a comment about how well she was doing, how proud he was of her, how strong he thought she was.

Mary had initially looked shocked, then slowly, with time, she’d begun to smile and bump her shoulder against Steve. Before she would have brushed it off or turned the positive into a negative, now she only said thank you, her sessions with the doc helping her learn to accept a compliment as the positive praise it was.

Bucky knew Steve felt as much guilt as Bucky did for not bolstering the woman from the beginning, not breaking the cycle of negativity Mary was prone to years ago.

With that thought in mind, Bucky went to see her doctor, not to talk about what Mary told the woman in private, though they all knew he heard every damn word, but to ask how best he could help her.

It took months of hard work on Mary’s part before she started looking, sounding, and acting like a healthier version of the old Mary. It had been almost a year since Donald was arrested, and they’d all relaxed their vigil somewhat, thinking the worst had blown over.

Mary and Bucky were slowly making progress in their relationship. Casual dates at the compound Bucky snuck in. Picnics. Movies. Day trips to the beach.

When he went on missions, he made sure she knew he’d be back and when. She always scoffed and shooed him out, but he knew she appreciated the little check-ins as she wasn't quite ready to return to the field.

She’d learned to lean on her friends, to talk about her doubts, voice them so they could be addressed. She had given them her trust, fully and completely, and though she had moments when her past came roaring back to try and drown her, Buck was always there to lift her up, hold her until the storm passed, and keep her from getting down on herself.

Then he and Steve were called away on a mission, one which went well, but when he stepped off the jet, the rest of the team waited for them. All but Mary.

“What happened?”

Natasha shook her head. “She got a phone call.”

“I missed it. Didn't know it was a reporter until Mary blanched,” Tony said looking sick.

“She locked herself in your room. There is a tangle of emotions coming from her,” Wanda sighed and rubbed her temple, to which Vision swiftly took over.

“I would have phased through the wall, but it is not me she needs,” Vision said.

“She needs you, Bucky,” Sam murmured.

Bucky took off at a dead run, clearing the distance in seconds as people scattered out of his way. He slowed as he approached the door and tried the knob. Locked.

“Mary? Baby doll, can you let me in? I need a shower,” he called.

When no answer came, he murmured, “Mary?” and shook the handle.

The locks disengaged, and he gently pressed the door inward. She was wrapped in his biggest, coziest sweater, headed back to sit on his bed where she curled up and appeared a tiny shell of herself.

“Mary, honey,” Bucky murmured as he shut the door and began removing all his gear. “Baby, what's wrong?”

“They want to interview me.”

“Who does, darlin’?” Bucky would see they paid for upsetting her.

“Woman. Tammy something. They want to do a special on women of power or renown who've suffered domestic abuse.”

Finally free of all his weapons, Bucky walked over to sit on the bed, then moved closer to lay down and curl himself around her. It was a position he’d been in before. They cuddled, a lot, and she’d taken to offering her lips or accepting a kiss, but it had never gone further than that. She wasn’t ready, and Bucky wasn’t going to push her.

“How do you feel about that?” How did _he_ feel about that? About her dragging it up and laying it out in the open again.

“I’m… considering it.”

He tried not to show his surprise. “Really?”

She turned over to face him and lightly touched his chin. “One of the things I’ve come to understand is this sort of thing can happen to anyone no matter how powerful. Maybe it should be addressed more publicly.”

“You’re so damn brave, baby,” he smiled, proud of her. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead. “I’m really proud of you.”

“Yeah?” she asked, her voice small. “I thought maybe you’d be mad.”

“You’ve come so far, Mary. I’m am nothing but proud, and if this will help you heal and move forward, I’m in.”

A few tears dripped down her face, but her smile reached her eyes. She slipped her arms around him, then pulled back, her nose wrinkling in disgust. “Oh, my god you stink! What the hell did you roll in?”

“I did say I needed a shower,” Bucky chuckled.

She shoved at him until he let go and sat up. “Go de-stench yourself. I’ll change your sheets. Lord, even your comforter is going to stink, and now my favourite sweater does too.”

Bucky listened to her bitch at him as he headed into the bathroom, loving the domesticity of it all. Occasionally he could talk her into staying the night with him, cuddling in his otherwise lonely bed. He hoped tonight was one of those nights.

***

Mary agreed to the interview but only if Pepper was allowed to vet the final project before it aired. Once her demands were accepted, Tammy Winfield was invited to the Avengers compound to conduct her television interview.

Though she hadn’t needed to go as often in the last few months, Mary was suddenly back with the doc every day to help her figure out what she wanted to say and how she wanted to say it. Every night leading up to the interview, she’d slept in Bucky’s bed, curled into his side, and though she often started out restless, she slept deep and dreamless wrapped in his arms.

Mary was so strong, so brave, Bucky made sure and told her so every day. He did everything in his power to boost her confidence and keep her spirits high. He never held back, not anymore.

When the time came, and she fretted over what to wear, Bucky let Natasha and Wanda help, then told her unequivocally she was beautiful in the pretty blue dress with her hair done in soft waves around her face. She’d blushed and accepted graciously, pleasure written in every line of her body.

As a group, they went to support her, sat off to the side in the dark while the bright lights highlighted how pale Mary had become. Though she was nervous, Tammy was very good at putting Mary at ease. This was a hard subject, one usually kept behind closed doors and not played out on TV for the world to see.

To Bucky’s mind it went well, but when Tammy asked how someone like Mary, an Avenger, someone with combat training, and other such skills could find herself in such a relationship, Mary faltered and glanced into the dark.

He was up and moving, stepping into a place where she could see him hovering in the shadows without winding up on camera.

She looked at him, took a deep breath, and said, “It wasn’t something that happened right away. My ex and I were together months before it happened the first time. I had extremely low self-confidence, and it was easy for him to pick away at it further until, to my mind, the things he would say made sense. By the time he hit me the first time, I thought I deserved it.”

“And your friends, your teammates? None of them noticed?”

“Oh, they noticed,” Mary sighed. “Unless you’ve been in the situation, you can’t truly understand what it’s like to have someone’s opinion matter so, so much, you can no longer see the truth. Everyone was worried. Everyone tried to talk to me about it. But I thought I deserved it. I had been in the wrong. I had been smart-mouthed or too glib. It was my fault. And when they tried to say, “No, that’s not right,” it didn’t matter that deep down I knew that. My ex had already pulled me so far into this toxic mentality, I cut myself off from the people who really cared because I believed the poison he was speaking in my ears.”

“What would you say to someone seeing this, who recognizes themselves in your story?”

Mary looked at Bucky again in the shadows. “It’s incredibly hard to admit you were wrong and you need help, but if you can, if you can find the courage to call someone who used to be a friend, someone you trusted implicitly, do it. Ask for help. And once you’re out, get more help. It’s not easy to recover from what happened. It’s even harder to shed the mental programming, but you can do it. What happened to you _isn’t_ your fault. It isn’t. Some people, both men and women, are very good at manipulating you into staying in their toxic environment, but no one has the right to put their hands on you in anger. No one. There are people out there who love you just the way you are. Go and never look back.”

“And now?” Tammy asked. “Have you moved on and recovered? Is there maybe a new man in your life?”

A deep blush reddened Mary’s cheeks. “There is. I was fortunate to find the person I was missing was right in front of me this whole time. He’s been… the best guy. Kind and understanding. He lifts me up.”

Bucky beamed, stupidly happy with her statement.

Once she finished, everyone crowded around to express their pride. She’d been amazing and looked so healthy and poised. She’d been stunning, and they all hoped her words would reach others in similar situations.

Mentally exhausted, Mary had excused herself to go lay down.

Watching her go, Steve had been the one to nudge Bucky’s elbow and tilt his head, encouraging Bucky to go after her.

He’d jogged down the hall in time to watch her disappear into his room. When he pushed the door open, she was standing in the center of the suite taking deep breaths. Every second one, her hands quaked.

Bucky quietly shut the door and joined her. He took her by the shoulders and brought her back against his chest. “You did so good, baby. Amazing.”

“I feel…” she whispered, leaning into him, “like I reclaimed a piece of myself tonight. Like getting my side out purged the last of the worst of it. Does that make sense?”

“It does,” he sighed, nuzzling his nose against the crown of her head. “It did the same for me when I talked about Hydra and being their Soldier.”

She nodded slowly. “I want to take back more, Bucky. More of myself,” she said, turning to face him. Her hands lifted to lay against his chest and lightly brushed over the blue fabric of his shirt. “I want… I want to be with you.”

He wasn’t sure how her hands remained on his chest when his heart kicked hard against them. Slowly, carefully, he lifted his hands, both flesh and metal, to her cheeks. “Are you sure, darlin’? I don’t want to push you.”

“You’ve never pushed me,” she sighed and tugged on his shirt to get him to lean down so she could lightly brush their lips together. “You’ve been patient, kind, soft, gentle. You make me feel… so beautiful. So brave. I want to be brave with you. I want to be with you. Make love to me?”

The quiet question made his hands shake. “If you get uncomfortable at all, you tell me an I'll stop,” he said as he took her gently by the waist.

“You don’t frighten me, Bucky,” she sighed. “You never have.”

“Little doll,” he murmured as he drew her closer and tenderly kissed the freckles on her nose. “You're so beautiful, Mary.”

Bucky caught her lips and nipped the bottom one gently as he lightly stroked her ribs. He coaxed her mouth open with a slow sweep of his tongue and delved inside. She gave a tiny whimper and skimmed her hands up his chest to tangle her fingers in his hair.

As sweet as candy, she tasted like he’d always imagined. It made him hungry, ravenous for her, but he forced himself to slow down and break away from the kiss. When she looked at him with confusion, Bucky smiled and led her across the room to sit with him on the side of his bed.

Once there, he cupped her cheek and returned to kissing her, letting his flesh hand stroke her soft skin. She’d never been afraid of his metal arm, made apparent when her fingers danced down the plates, and he gripped her waist, letting his metal fingers trace small circles on her pretty dress.

There was a shyness to her he hadn't expected and moved slowly so as not to spook her. But when he skimmed his fingers down to graze the top of her thigh, she flinched, and he pulled back.

“No, no!” she gasped and grabbed his wrist, a deep blush filled her cheeks. “It was a little… cold is all.”

Bucky chuckled sheepishly. “Sorry, little doll.”

“It warms up fast enough if memory serves,” she smiled.

Memory did serve, sending moments of time when they'd cuddled together on the couch, or napped together, or simply walked hand in hand to play out in Bucky's mind.

He returned his hand to her thigh, let it rest there underneath her palm until it was a match for her warm skin.

“I love you, Bucky,” she whispered, lifting her hands to his face so she could encourage him closer.

Her lips were so soft, her touch so tender, Bucky was hard pressed to believe she was real and here in his arms. “I love you too, baby doll,” he sighed, sliding his metal hand up her thigh to rub his thumb in circles on her skin.

A sultry little moan escaped her throat. It shot a bolt of desire straight to his groin and made him wonder what other sexy sounds he could draw from her. His hand slid higher to gently palm her hip and ass as he pulled her closer.

She slipped seamlessly into his lap. With light, hesitant fingers she made work of his shirt buttons. Bucky only sat calmly, allowing her to lead even as he kissed her neck. Her fingers traced patterns on his bared skin, and he nipped her gently on her pulse.

Mary gasped, excitement setting her flexing he nails into his chest. “Bucky…”

“How you doing, little doll?” he murmured, letting his lips form the words on her skin.

“So good,” she sighed. “I've only ever been with-"

She cut herself off, and Bucky lifted his head to peer at her in surprise. “Just him?”

Mary bit her lip and nodded, her chin tucked down. “I feel better now with you than I ever did with him,” she whispered.

“Mary, sweetheart. Have you ever had an orgasm?” Bucky asked gently.

“In… In the beginning. Then it became another way I disappointed…”

Shame and worry coated her face, but Bucky only lightly grasped her chin. “There is nothing wrong with you, Mary. You're absolutely perfect.”

He leaned in and kissed her once she was looking at him again. Then, Bucky returned his hand to her back. While he kneaded her bottom carefully with the left, he stroked the right up and down her spine. A quiet sound, nearly a purr spilled from her throat, and she arched into him.

“Can I open your dress?” he asked when he found the tab for her zipper. She nodded, her eyes big and wide. Bucky slowly drew it down, keeping his eyes on hers. He wanted to make sure she wouldn't be afraid of anything he did including something as simple as removing her dress.

Once the zipper reached the bottom, Bucky slowly brought both hands to her shoulders and gently drew the garment forward, so the bodice slipped down, revealing a pale pink bra with a small white bow in the center.

The lingerie of today was so much better than what he remembered from his past, and while he didn’t want to rush her, Bucky hummed in appreciation. “God, you’re stunning.”

She pushed his shirt open a little more and smiled even as her cheeks turned pink. “I could say the same of you.”

Her fingers slipped lightly over his skin, but Bucky felt it all the way to this soul. “Nah, you’re prettier than me. Skin so soft. I wanna touch you everywhere, little doll.” Her dress pooled around her hips when he brought his hands to her waist. He could nearly span her ribs with his palms, but it was his thumbs he gently brushed along the bottom of her breasts, lightly following the underwire of the pale pink fabric.

“Bucky,” she sighed.

He watched as her lashes fluttered closed and her lips parted on the soft breath. His shirt fell from his shoulders to catch on his arms when her hands slipped over them and down his back. Dipping his head, he placed a barely-there kiss on her heart, brushed his lips across her chest, and nipped gently at the flesh of her breast.

A shiver shook her, a quiet moan followed, and Bucky closed his hands over her breasts. Already he could feel her peaked flesh press into his palms. The hard points easily manipulated by his thumbs. He hummed when her fingers threaded into his hair and tugged, but didn’t lift his head. Not when he could slide his tongue over the swell of her breast and dip down beneath the scalloped edge of her bra.

Slowly, carefully, he caught the edge with a finger and pulled the cup down to reveal her dark areola and hard nipple to his heated gaze. “Fuck you’re gorgeous,” he sighed before taking her flesh in his mouth.

She whimpered and moaned, arched and writhed on his lap, seeming desperate to urge him closer.

Happy to oblige, Bucky wrapped his left arm around her, flicked the back of her bra open, and swiftly moved to treat her other breast the same.

“Oh, god,” she whined. Mary released his hair long enough to wrench her bra from her arms and throw it behind her.

Bucky struggled out of his shirt at the same time, chucking it to the floor before returning his hands to her chest and his mouth to her breasts. He sucked on her, licked and flicked and swirled his tongue around her sweet peaked flesh until she was moaning and gently rolling her hips forward.

Though he kept his arm around her waist and his mouth on her perfect breasts, Bucky snaked his hand between them under her dress to find her panties soaked in her arousal. “Baby,” he groaned, unable to believe how wet she was. “I’m gonna touch you. I want you to come, little doll. I want you to ride my hand and make yourself feel good.”

She seemed unable to speak and gave a funny little half moan half grunt of agreement as he began to caress and tease her through her underwear. Spread out across his thighs it was easy to find her swollen bundle and pay it the attention it deserved.

A slight frown marred her forehead, frustration evident in her movements.

“Talk to me, baby doll. Tell me what you need,” he coaxed, sliding his finger inside her underwear to touch her directly.

“Not enough,” she breathed, voice shaking and tears appearing at the corner of her eyes.

He hushed her gently. “That’s okay, Mary. I got you, sweetheart.”

Going slowly, Bucky turned with her and laid her back on the bed, pulling away as he went so he wasn’t trapping her beneath him. She watched him without fear, and he smiled as he took her in, stretched out and beautiful, half dressed and looking sexy as hell.

Bucky tugged her dress down over her hips until it pooled on the floor beneath her feet. Her panties were the same pale pink with a little bow in the center. Unable to stop himself, he knelt between her knees and placed a kiss directly above that tiny bow. “I’m going to take these off, Mary. Then I’m going to make you feel so damn good.”

She gave a nod of permission, her teeth worrying her lower lip as she watched him.

“My brave woman,” he murmured, curling his fingers into the waist of her pretty underwear. As he tugged them down, Bucky placed soft, open mouth kisses on her hip bones, her thighs, her knees, following the retreat until they too fell from his fingers to land on her dress.

Stroking his hands up her thighs, Bucky slid them beneath her bottom and tugged her closer. She had to spread her legs to fit the width of his shoulders between them. She’d begun to quiver, shake a little, and he looked up at her face to find her watching him in anticipation with only a hint of concern.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Mary,” he whispered as he dipped his head and kissed her thigh.

“He never…” She shivered hard.

“Ever?” Bucky asked. When she shook her head, he tried not to let his anger show and smiled instead. “Then let me show you what you’ve been missing.”

He turned his attention to the space between her thighs and sighed in pleasure. She was nicely groomed and had such a pretty pussy, Bucky lightly pet her wet core with his flesh fingers, making sure to catch her bundle of nerves with his thumb.

A startled moan escaped her, and Mary pressed her fist to her lips.

“Let it out, baby. Let me hear how good I’m making you feel,” he said as he spread her open and slowly dragged his tongue the length of her core.

She moaned, deep and wanton, and Bucky echoed it. “Taste so good, sweetheart,” he sighed and buried his face against her.

Nothing but the sexy sound of her voice rising in pitch, the quiet but hungry sounds of his growls, and their combined panting broke the silence of the room for the next few moments as Bucky worked her up, to the first of many orgasms. He wanted her forgetting everything she knew about lovemaking and passion. Wanted her only to remember how good it could feel when she was with him. He wanted there to be no comparison, no situation in which she ever remembered _Donald_ after having been with him.

Her fingers tentatively curled in his hair as she dug her heels into the side of the mattress and began to rock into his mouth. Bucky smirked a little, loving her obvious enjoyment, and doubled his efforts. He wanted to hear her cries when she fell, listen to the scream of his name when it echoed, and taste the sweet ambrosia when her body let go.

With her cries coming closer together, he knew she was close and focused on her hard clit as he slipped the middle finger on his left hand inside her quaking walls.

“Oh, my god!” she shrieked when he began to fuck her slowly with the finger, curling it up into her sweet spot.

She jerked on his hair, but Bucky ignored the pain. A quick glance up showed him her tightly coiled body, her blind eyes, and her open mouth.

“You gotta come for me, baby doll. Come on my tongue like I know you can. Let go for me,” he encouraged before sucking on her vigorously.

Tears slipped down Mary’s temples to wet her hair as she sobbed and writhed. “Fuck! Bucky!” she shrieked, and he gently shook his head back and forth, growled to send a shock wave of vibration through her, and plunged a second finger into her tight walls.

Her body clenched so tight Bucky moaned into her flesh at the feel on his fingers. He couldn’t wait to feel that on his cock. They flexed and squeezed for what felt like forever as he coaxed her through the release. Then her tired, sweaty body collapsed and went limp, allowing him to pull away.

Sucking on his fingers, Bucky watched her pant, the back of her hand pressed to her mouth. She appeared lost and a little fragile in that instant, prompting Bucky to move slowly, stand and shuck his pants down before crawling on the bed to lay beside.

Uncertain whether she would welcome his touch, Bucky reached out and took her hand, holding it gently until she turned her shocked eyes to him.

“I… I don’t know what to say,” she whispered. “I’ve never felt anything like that before.”

Bucky smiled. “Mary, sweetheart. That is what this should feel like.”

She turned into him and laid her hand on his chest. “You make me feel beautiful.”

“Baby, you are beautiful,” he whispered as he shifted closer and kissed her. “But we can stop here if you want to.”

She shook her head. “Not on your life. Show me everything, Bucky. Show me what this should be like.”

A wide grin split his lips. “You got it, darlin’.”

This time when he moved, he took her with him, lifting her up to lay in the middle of their bed as he began a second time to worship her body. He curled his fingers around her breasts, and played with her peaked flesh. Nipped and sucked and plucked at her nipples until she was arching and writhing into his mouth.

He ran his hands over her curves, over the hollows of her belly and the swells of her hips. He traced patterns on her thighs and placed kisses everywhere he could reach.

And he talked to her as he touched her, as she touched him. He told her how proud of her he was, of how strong he thought she was. He told her about all the parts of her he thought beautiful. How the flare of her hip was stunning. How the plumpness of her ass made his mouth water. How her breasts were more lovely than he’d ever imagined.

He whispered words of love and words of promise. He vowed to never take her for granted. Vowed always to show her with words and deeds how special she was to him.

And she answered in kind, her voice breaking with emotion. Her hands walked the planes and angles of his body. Touched and held on every scar. Her lips whispered gently over flesh where it meshed with metal and pressed firmly over his heart.

He rolled onto his back when she asked him to, allowing her to see and touch her fill. As he’d stripped her of her clothes, she did the same for him. In that instant, he found the new stronger, more confident Mary in her eyes. Her smile was soft, a little shy, but her hands were sure when she pulled his briefs down.

They widened at his size and made Bucky chuckle. “I promise it will fit, and it won’t hurt.”

Her hands cupped his cheeks. “I know, Bucky. You’d never hurt me, even by accident.”

“Damn right,” he sighed, sliding his hands up her back so she’d come closer and kiss him.

When she broke the kiss, she left her lips hover close and whispered, “I want you to make love to me.”

“You’re okay with me on top?” he asked, making sure.

Mary nodded. “Bucky, you’re not him. I want to feel you. I want to feel all of you.”

He rolled her to her back and hovered there, a knee pressed into the mattress to keep his weight from her as he reached for the nightstand drawer. A condom was easily acquired, but when he sat back to open the package and roll it on, Mary stole the latex from his fingers and did it herself.

Her touch was very nearly his undoing. “God, Mary,” he moaned, her touch so gentle. How could anyone ever mistreat this woman?

“I want you, Bucky,” she breathed against his lips as she curled her arms around his neck.

He pressed her back into the bed and took her lips in a searing kiss. She whimpered and clutched at him, her tongue delving into his lips, her urgency seeping into him. Bucky aligned himself with her center, stroked his tip over her twice, then thrust slowly forward into heat and wetness he’d only dreamed about.

On a small gasp, he broke away from her lips to bow his head and let it drop to her shoulder. Tears burned his eyes at the exquisite feel of _home_ which resonated through him when finally, finally he was seated between her thighs.

“Mary,” he breathed, the tears dripping from his eyes to fall to her shoulder. “I love you.”

Her legs lifted to wrap around his waist, and she buried her face in his throat. “I love you too, Bucky.” Her voice shook, and moisture dampened his skin. “So damn much.”

It was everything to be there, loving her, touching her, feeling her in a way Bucky had never imagined. She rocked her hips, a reminder they weren’t done yet, and he smiled as he slowly pulled his hips back before thrusting forward.

An expulsion of air sounded suspiciously like “Oh!” when he bottomed out.

“Talk to me,” he purred against her ear. “Does it feel good, little doll?”

“Fuck…” she moaned and made him laugh.

“That good?” he teased.

Her eyes opened, and her hand stroked over his shoulder to cup his cheek. “Yeah.”

His heart turned over. Bucky ducked his head and kissed her, and kept right on kissing her as he set a slow rhythm. There was no room for anything but love and adoration between them when he caressed her arm and reached beneath her to wrap his flesh hand around the back of her neck.

She whimpered and arched against him. Her nails dug into his back and thighs squeezed tighter.

Every inch of her felt like heaven on his cock, stroking, squeezing, hot, and so wet. Her breasts rubbed against his chest, the drag of her hard nipples sent jolts of pleasure through his body. When her hands began to wander, slide over his sweaty skin, Bucky knew nothing but bliss.

As her moans came closer together, he lifted his head to watch her face contort with pleasure. A high flush filled her cheeks, her lips remained parted, and her eyes closed. But when Bucky began to feel the quiver and tightening of her inner walls, he whispered, “Mary, look at me, little doll.”

Her lids cracked open; lashes lifted slowly. Eyes of hazel appeared more like amber, and he smiled down at her. “I’ve got you, baby.”

Again her hand returned to his face when she smiled and sighed, “And I’ve got you.”

Undone by her trust, Bucky let his forehead rest against hers as they moved together, both equal, entirely in tune, hearts in sync.

When Mary tipped over, her breath hitched in surprise, and a deep moan fell from her lips, Bucky went with her. He grunted at the strength of her climax and groaned when his tore through him, leaving him shaken and sated, exhausted and emotionally wrung dry. But he stayed right where he was, balanced on his metal hand, and holding Mary by the back of the neck when she gave a shuddering sigh.

“You still with me, Mary?” he asked, peering down at her.

“The was the single best experience of my life,” she whispered and promptly burst into tears.

Bucy scrambled up and into the bathroom, cleaned up with a super soldier’s speed, and returned to the bed where he scooped her up, tore the covers back and climbed in with her. Once settled, buried in blankets and surrounded by him, he held her close, soothed her with soft sounds and gentle touches, and let the tears flow all while praying they hadn’t pushed her too hard too fast.

Only a few minutes passed before they slowed and then stopped as Mary breathed out a cleansing breath. “Sorry.”

“For what?” Bucky asked.

“I highly doubt your past experience with bedding women ended with them bursting into tears after mind-blowing sex.”

Bucky nuzzled his nose into her hair. “Mind blowing, huh?” She elbowed him in the ribs making him grunt. “While seeing you cry makes my heart hurt, I’m more worried it was my fault you’re crying in the first place.”

“No, Bucky. No. I feel,” she struggled for a moment. “Clean, I guess is the best way to describe it. Clean and whole and new.”

He tried not to make it obvious when he breathed out in relief. “That’s good, Mary. That’s real good. I’m so fucking proud of you. You’re good and pure, and so damn beautiful. I feel blessed just being with you.”

She lifted her head and smiled, brilliant, full, and magnificent. “You make me feel all those things, Bucky. Because of you, I’m actually starting to believe it. I was so broken, but with you, I feel…”

“Unbreakable,” Bucky smiled.

“Yeah,” she sighed and snuggled closer. “I love you, Bucky. When my life was at its darkest, I’m so glad you were there for me.”

He stroked her hair and smiled at the ceiling. “Baby, you’re my best girl. I’ll always love you, and I’ll always be here to lift you up.”

“Til the end of the line?” she chuckled.

“Yeah, sweetheart. Til the end of the line.” He placed a kiss on her cheek and snickered. “Just don’t tell, Steve.”

**_-The End-_ **


End file.
